This particular coffee table started off life living a humdrum existence in a scientific laboratory helping scientists perform cool experiments, Sure, the hours were good and it was in a clean place with every weekend off for a nice sleep but it did have to endure all the endless scorn when the experiments went wrong when it wasn’t even his fault. So when it had enough of that and decided it was time to go and meet it’s maker in the big WEEE ( Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment) pile in the sky, I decided to step in like the devil and offer it a chance at potential immortality. And with that, we tweaked the nipple of the grim reaper and scarpered off pronto to a place that we could work on immortality together.

So over some discussions with the tank over some beers, it told me that he wanted a nice fresh attire, he was bored of the mundane colour that his creator had issued, it just didn’t cut the mustard, that and all the extra things bolted onto him wasn’t his style either. This was a tank that wanted to be where the action was, to be at glitzy parties and also some nice cosy nights in. So a without the clout of having Lowrence Llewellyn-Bowen and his mighty jaunty shirt cuffs to offer any advice on the subject, a plan was conceived.

Gone was the mundane colour, and fresh in was his new stylish British racing green suit, and this he liked very much. Then gone were all the constricting pipes and cables and the unsightly compressor which was frankly just a freeloader piggybacking his existence , and in place was some wood that had also been offered a chance at immortality too. The tank was frankly just happy that he hadn’t been subjected to such an aggressive transformation , as being squished in some sash clamps like a medieval torture, then almost burnt alive didn’t sound like fun, but he did admit that the wood had come out looking pretty good.

So a companionship was born, the tank and the wood have become great friends and just enjoy nothing more than chilling out with each other. However there is some discord amongst the ranks and they have asked me if they can be adopted into someone else’s world. Sure they like the chilled out nature of my front room and the epic tunes from the stereo, but they want to go their own way and have cited that “to grow, they must move on”. and who am I to refuse such a request.